New Year's resolutions

- Stop tweeting about myself. No one cares about my senseless and me-centered rants.
- More work, less depression.
- Work = quality friends' time + productive activities (writing scripts, poems, doing homework, etc etc etc)
- Do things I'm afraid of, i.e. have my own radio show, sing in front of people, dance in front of people, etc etc etc.
- Go to school dressed up extravagantly at least once.
- Bring this blog back to life.
- Laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh.
- Be a better friend.
- Follow through my thesis plan.
- Stop liking gay guys.
- Find a scholarship.

Mephistophelian encounter

to hide behind a glass wall
to run around in circles
to gaze into your eyes
to lose and break the chains

cause I sold my soul to the devil
and he overcomes it all

and the sun is just so blinding
and the loneliness so huge
and the stars are now unwanted
and the darkness seems so pure

cause I sold my soul to the devil
and he outshines it all

pretend we're just strangers
hide away the pain
the burn is just one-sided
the fire has no flames

cause I sold my soul to the devil
and he numbs all the ache

cause I try to smell the colors
think of something else
and I try to taste the sounds
live anywhere else

to fake all the mysery
to follow the game
to mix good and evil
to love your mystery

cause I sold my soul to the devil
and he beats all the angels
so I sold my soul to the devil
and the devil is you

About one particular heaven

There was a girl who lived through the sky. She was no angel, bird or any other celestial creature. She lived on the earth and enjoyed earthy pleasures. She cultivated fruits and vegetables, and when winter came hunt a little; she bathed in a nearby lake and played with rabbits and dogs.

However, she spent most of her time gazing up.

She woke up with the first ray of sun, ate when the sun rested a few moments at the very top, fell in love while the birds sung their last song before sunset, sighed deeply at sunset and felt infinite at night.

She thought each day was a lifetime, so by the time she was 15 she actually had the wisdom of 5,478 lives.

Every morning she shed a tear along the condensed mist in the leaves and the new born's cry; they cried together because they understood what life is about. She then shed a second tear because she knew that before noon she would have forgot the knowledge.

Not only did she live through the sky, but she missed with it. They shared the same color-driven nostalgia.

At sunset, when the sky was red, she missed her mother, who always wore a shiny scarlet lipstick.

In the days when everything was yellow, she missed her first friend: a little chicken with whom she played hide and seek.

When it was gray, she thought of her grandmother's hair. If it was a clear blue, she would long for the ocean's murmurs.

On the rare ocassion the sky was pink, she would think of cotton candies and spring fairs, of all her unaccomplished childhood dreams when she wished to be a princess.

She specially loved the afternoons when it turned violet, she would think of mystery, cloaks, magic... it was a day when anything could happen.

She met her first love in such a day. He was a young man who enjoyed trying different occupations; when they met, he was trying the explorer lifestyle. He came from the big city and wanted to get away from the steel, the cars, the machines... he wanted to be in love with nature, and ended falling in love with a girl.

They were happy while the skies were crystal blue, and hugged each other on grayish days. But his need for new adventures ached, he felt a growing hole in his chest, and even though he did love the girl, he needed to part. He left at sunset, a beautiful one.

For days, the sky was the clearest blue she'd ever seen... and, for the first time, she couldn't stand the brightness. But the new hue of blue wouldn't go away.

And one day, another boy showed up in her heart, and the sky was again changing colors each day. But in her heart, a tiny space, probably smaller than an inch, was forever tainted blue. Many people left marks in her heart, but none as her first love.

One day she woke up to find the sky in a strange blue, one she'd seen before. It was his blue. And deep down she knew he had died... The last thing she'd heard was that he was a soldier. He definitely wasn't a fighter, just a soldier, no wonder he died.

But just like day and night, and the never stopping rotation of the Earth, life goes on and she had to move on.

And life insisted on going on and on and on. Until one day she couldn't keep up.

The day she died, people as far as China were marveled by the sky... it looked like a mirror.

Draft: Barely Functional

I had that dream again, where I was lost in the outer space.
Again.
Again.

Again.

And it’s always you in my big dreams.
Always.
Always.

Always.

I hope it’s gonna make you notice someone like me.
Like me.
Like me.

Like me.

My heart is yours to fill or burst, to break or bury.
Or wear as jewelry, whichever you prefer.
Completely yours.
Sincerely yours.

Fatally yours.

He’s a looker, but I really think it’s guts that matter most.
You matter more.
You matter most.

You matter all.

Rather be working for a paycheck than wait to win a lottery.
I’ll never win with you.
No jackpot of love for me.

My lottery.